All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dicks are not precious.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
