apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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