Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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