every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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