just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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