My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
