Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
