you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
