People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
