If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
