I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
