I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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