I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
