State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
