drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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