Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
