god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
