You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I will be naked everywhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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