It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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