I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
