There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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