Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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