you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
