I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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