I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
