I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
