I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
