I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
