My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
