Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize