Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
