the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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