I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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