I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
