i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
