He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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