whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
