You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
