Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
