My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
