You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
