I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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