Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
