i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
