This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Rumble strips road head = magical
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
