Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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