Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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