i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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