I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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