someone threw a dead crab at me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
