his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
