1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize