She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
