We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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