I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
