We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
