Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
