So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you never un-have a 4some
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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