She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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